"1. From the streets to the pastures, in the kingdom of Israel, there layeth a disquiet among the people. The children of the Lord did so love the bounty of foodstuffs great and small, from as far as Phoenicia and Thebes! They were fearful of sinful gluttony, though groweth not in bigness did they at all. 2. Suddenly, the Lord spake: 'Mine flock, knoweth that diet foodstuffs are an abonimation! Thou art eating and drinking sin, thus sin is eating and drinking thee! Repent, and be saved from empty calories!' 3. Once again, His flock did knoweth tidings of comfort and joy once again, and it was good." -Nutrisystemicon 2:1-3
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