Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Adverbs 14:1-2

"1. In the season of the Lord I shalt not fear the reaper, neither under the sun, nor the wind, nor the rain. I shalt live like He doth. Come on, mine babe! 2. This message of rock affirmation was brought unto thee by the adverb 'solemnly.'" -Adverbs 14:1-2

Thursday, August 4, 2011

One Hit Wonders 13:1-4

"1. Thou sayeth we hath nothing between us,
Our lives hath cometh between us,
And we art falling apart.
2. I sayeth what about breakfast at Tiffany's?
Then the voice of God did spake from above,
3. 'Breakfast with a woman not thine wife
Is adultery, a most grievous sin!
Repent, else Mine words striketh ye down!'
4. Trembling, now, she sayeth,
I think I doth remember that film line!"
-One Hit Wonders 13:1-4

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Listen to Jesus, Jimmy!

Monday, August 1, 2011

Segagenesis 5:21-25

"21. With each passing day in the Garden of Eden, the sun did shineth brilliantly and the warmth of the verdurous moss did comfort the feet of Adam and Eve. 22. Looking closely, however, it did appeareth thar was trouble in Paradise! 23. After Eve did bear the fruit of Adam's loins twice, with his sons Cain and Abel, she hath expressed to him no longer was there an interest for her in the intimate relations. The sinful cow hath dismissed her wifely duties! 24. After a great frustration, Adam did proclaim his divorce of her thereto! But suddenly the Lord's voice did boom from the Heavens, that this divorce hath become the Original Sin of mankind! 25. Nervous, Adam was, for committing this first of all sins, he did instruct his sons to go forth into the world and teacheth future generations that Original Sin hath come from their sinful mother, who disobeyed the Lord instead! Furthermore, the Lord's flock did always know this foretold reason as the Word, and it was good." -Segagenesis 5:21-25

Saturday, July 30, 2011

Jesus, He Knows Me

Friday, July 29, 2011

Nutrisystemicon 2:1-3

"1. From the streets to the pastures, in the kingdom of Israel, there layeth a disquiet among the people. The children of the Lord did so love the bounty of foodstuffs great and small, from as far as Phoenicia and Thebes! They were fearful of sinful gluttony, though groweth not in bigness did they at all. 2. Suddenly, the Lord spake: 'Mine flock, knoweth that diet foodstuffs are an abonimation! Thou art eating and drinking sin, thus sin is eating and drinking thee! Repent, and be saved from empty calories!' 3. Once again, His flock did knoweth tidings of comfort and joy once again, and it was good." -Nutrisystemicon 2:1-3

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Adverbs 8:1-2

"1. In the Lord's benevolence and radiance I am so perfectly gay! His smile is a rainbow across the bright sky, beaming with pride and love. His power touches me deep inside, and for that I cry out with glee like the ever-faithful gaylord that I am! Pray that every day could be this gay, hallelujah! 2. This moment of reflection is brought unto thee by the adverb 'flamboyantly.'" -Adverbs 8:1-2

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Disciplettes 20:5-7

"5. The Lord Jesus spake to his Disciplettes of  conception, consumption, fornication, and all things immaculate. He did sayeth that His women were blessed with a carnal imperative known as the "Christ of the Passion". 6. This miracle occurreth when in the throes of coitus and bliss, the woman thinketh only to proclaim the glory of His holy name alone, and of no other man. 'Oh God!' sayeth she once, then twice, then thrice and again in a crescendo. 7. Rejoice! His work is beautiful, and it is good." -Disciplettes 20:5-7