Song of St. Reggie 13:21

"21. At that time, St. Reggie the Slovenly did proclaim: 'Henceforth, ye shall not wasteth food that has been dropped upon the floor. Adhere always to the Five Second Rule, for it is the Golden Rule and will serve ye well.'" -Song of St. Reggie 13:21.

Johnson & Johnson 25:17

"17. Thou shalt not picketh at thy wounds or scabs or sores, for if thou picketh it, it shall never heal. In times of greatest temptation or weakness, ye must useth a band-aid." -Johnson & Johnson 25:17

St. Barney the Dinosaur 6:31-33.

"31. Upon approaching the Hill of Halubedahal-Shalamalamadingdong, Jesus the Lord bid His apostles to form a circle around Him. And there He did speak: 32. 'And now let those of true faith extendeth thine right leg to the center of our Circle of Spiritual Truth. Withdraw thine right leg, then return thine right leg to the Circle, and then shaketh it to and fro. Ye must do the Hokey Pokey, then turn thyself around. 33. Do this is remembrance of Me, my apostles, for this, I say to thee, is truly what it is all about.'" -St. Barney the Dinosaur 6:31-33.

The Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch

Misogynists 16:2,9

"2. Man is taller than the woman, as he is closer to God above....9. Sometimes the woman is taller than the man. Hark! It is the woman that feasts on the shellfish, her strength is augmented, though she is an abomination. She must be placed in an expanse with no trees, and My Hand will bless the landscape with divine lightning to make the wrong into the right." -Misogynists 16:2,9.

Nutrisystemicon 16:1-3

‎"1.Woman shalt not prepare the feast of flesh of any animal, for she is borne of the rib of man. Forgetst not that cannibalism is an abomination. Bad tidings cometh shouldst woman eat anything of the earth at all. 2. She must deriveth nutrients from the air around her, or perhaps learneth to photosynthesize. 3. That her gullet be filled only with prayer and subordination. So sayeth Me." -Criticus 16:1-3.

Snuffaluffagus 14:47

"47. And upon the daily cleansing, let only the left hand washeth the genitals and buttocks, those places of deepest shame; And the right hand washeth only the face and chest. Never shall the left hand, toucher of genitals and buttocks, come in contact with the face or chest, places of purity and righteousness. This I do command." -Snuffaluffagus 14:47.

Department of Sanitation 21: 8-10

"8. So the little flock cried unto the Heavens: 'Why, oh Lord, must we divideth the plastics of ones and twos from all the rest, saving them for the salvation of the Bins of Blue, while all others must be cast out to perish?' 9. And the Heavens parted and the Lord spake, 'Ye ungrateful flock! Do as your Father commands, or the plastics of all the world shall be taken from you!' 10. And those of the little flock who continued to question were given to the ravenous dogs by the Lord, in His Mercy." -Department of Sanitation 21: 8-10.

Nutrisystemicon 4:20

"20. And it came to pass that the Lord forbade the eating of the fish taco and the bangers and the spotted dick, as the names of such were offensive to His Spirit. And the people saw that it was good. And it was." -Nutrisystemicon 4:20

Nutrisystemicon 16:2

"2. Seedless grapes are an abomination. They are coveted by gypsies and heathens, who covet the seeds but begets to the children of the Lord that which cannot be. Never partake in the feast of the seedless grapes. So sayeth the Lord." -Nutrisystemicon 16:2

Snuffaluffagus 24:1

"1. Thou shalt only wipe front to back, as it is the way of the Lord to keep business in the front and the party in the back." -Snuffaluffagus 24:1