Venerius-Diseasus 14:3-7

"3. Know then, that intercourse is a vile, filthy act in Mine eye - but nevertheless, necessary. Intercourse is but a means of procreation, so never shalt thou enjoy it, lest ye feel Mine wrath! 4. Ye must perform the despicable deed in the style of Missionary, with thine sinful woman-wife below thee - as she must be in all things, as she is the lowest of the low. 5. Ye must look away from one another during this lowly Act of Swine, or useth a blind-fold, so as to not bear witness to thine foulness. 6. Never shalt thou cry out, lest it be in pain! Never shalt thou performeth the experimentation of positions, lest ye be marked as Unclean Beasts! 7. There shalt be no commingling of the flesh in the Style of Dogs, the Cowgirl or the Cowgirl in Reverse, the Blossoming Flower, the Plowing of the Field, the Piledriver, the Rusty Trombone, the giving or receiving of the Jobs of Blowing or Hands, the giving or receiving of the Necklace of Pearls, the participation in the Circle of Jerking, and other such Unspeakable Acts of Depraved Mating." -Venerius-Diseasus 14:3-7.